So we’re sitting around our living room on this typical Tuesday night, Alex decided that she would like Allyson to buy her a $449 sous-vide. Allyson said “no way” because Alex would not find the time to use this machine that’s really meant for trained chefs. And this got us on the topic of the gross foams Marcel used to make on Top Chef, which led us to discuss what we like and dislike about restaurants and their service. Mostly, we just bitched about our pet peeves. But we thought we made some good points so we figured we’d share it with our loyal readers. Here is our advice to restaurants about how to treat us when we dine.
Allyson: No foams! If you want to give the flavor, give us the flavor. Don’t give us the essence of the flavor. Plus, foams are wet and slimy.
Alex: No main sauce shmears. A drizzle of raspberry or chocolate sauces for the dessert course is fine, but when it comes to meats and starches, don’t tease us with a light spread on the plate. Just pour it on.
Alex: Don’t hover with the water pitcher. It’s nice to get refills, but when a server or busboy replenishes a few sips every seconds, its just creepy.
Allyson: Don’t lurk to take my plate as soon as you think I’m finished. It makes me feel rushed; I don’t mind it sitting there for a minute or two
Allyson: Don’t turn food into artwork – it’s food. For more explanation see Tom Colicchio’s Diet Coke commercial.
Allyson: No live lobster. If you work at a steakhouse, its one thing to let the customer choose the cut of meat he or she wants by bringing it out on a tray. But it’s a whole other and wrong practice to bring out a live lobster and say, ‘This is the lobster we are serving tonight.’ I’m talking to you Morton’s steakhouse. I was scarred by it.
Allyson: Bring out dessert trays . Customers will be more likely to order one or more, which benefits the restaurant. And the display helps the customers because desserts that sound appealing on the menu sometimes aren’t visually appealing, or vice versa.
Allyson and Alex: Be mindful of open kitchens. If customers can see the kitchen from their seats, chefs should appear to be the most hygienic people on the planet. They shouldn’t sneeze and go back to work. And we wanna see hand-washing! And staff members who have flabby, pale and pasty legs shouldn’t wear shorts. That’s a rule for life
Allyson: No fly zone. If your restaurant’s windows are open, make sure flies aren’t coming in. Both dead flies and buzzing flies are unappealing
Allyson: No long convos. Managers, it’s nice to make sure everything’s okay, but don’t engage me in a 20-minute convo.
Allyson and Alex: Waiters, don’t kneel or sit next to me on the table. Craig Dickman agrees.
Keep it Tasty,
Allyson and Alex
